Xcuses2Party presents
an afternoon and evening
of oooki-ooki-nooki-wow
in honor of
the Bacardi Lei
(as in "lei" which is pronounced "lay"
you unread vidgame victim).

You'll be doing the Lei every-which-a-way
• the PJ Lei
• the Dirty Lei
• the Lei in the Missionary Position
• the infamous Backdoor Lei
• the Lei the Hard Way
• the Extremely Wet Lei

You might even discover your own ways to lei the opposite sex, or the same sex, a fresh species, or your friend's car-dashboard hula doll.
HOW TO GET LEI'D FOR THE FIRST TIME
The most important thing is to show up. You can't get lei'd if you are still at the computer reading this bullshit.  So shut down and start planning your Luau. Or if this is your first time, you might want to check out the nearest watering hole that has not 86'd you, and do some homework on the art of getting lei'd.

HOW TO ASK4 A LEI WITH SAVOIR FAIRE
"Lei Me, Bitch" is not the recommended manner in which to order a drink or win the hearts, minds, and panties of an attractive barmaid. Before ordering, you need to decide what kind of Lei you want.

FEMALE DRESSCODE
Requires voluminous mumus for fat chicks, perios for thin chicks, and a lei and grass skirt for babes with killer bodies. (See illustration at left).  The little sailor hat is superfluous, but the ankle lei is a nice touch, especially for guys who like play footsie.  There is also the wrist lei, which should not be confused with a hand job.

HISTORY OF THE HAWAIIAN LEI
Leis were introduced to the Hawaiian Islands by early Polynesian partiers, who took did a canoe road trip all the way from Tahiti, navigating by the stars without the benefit of a GPS system or even MapQuest.

In those days, leis were made of flowers, leaves, shells, seeds, nuts, feathers, and even bone and teeth of various animals. The Maile lei had many sacred uses, including signifying a peace treaty between opposing chiefs. In a heiau (temple), the chiefs would symbolically intertwine the green Maile vine, and its completion officially established peace between the two groups, after which time they would have a big luau where everybody got lei'd, and then killed each other.

THE CUSTOM OF ALOHA
During the "Boat Days" of the early 1900s, lei-abouts lined the pier at Aloha Tower to welcome malihini (visitors) to the islands and kama'aina (locals) back home. Departing visitors would throw their lei into the sea as the ship passed Diamond Head in the hopes that like the lei, they too would return to the islands again some day.


LEI ETIQUETTE
There are a couple of rules you should know when getting lei'd for the first time. A lei should be a welcomed celebration of one person's affection to another. So always accept a lei. Never refuse with a rude comment that involves someone else's private parts.

The proper way to wear a lei is over the shoulders, hanging down both in front and in back. To remove a lei from your neck in the presence of the person who gave it to you, makes you as rude as a New Yorker, which is about as low as you can go without passing gas.

HOW TO LEI YOURSELF
You can make your own lei from stuff found in your neighbor's back yard!   Any flowers, leaves, ferns, or sixpack plastic beer can holders may be used to make a lei. For your first time however, you should start with the basic single strand flower lei.

Collect any medium sized flowers you can find - roses, daisies, carnations etc. You'll need about 50 blossoms for a 40" single strand lei. Cut about a 100" length cotton string, and fold it in half. Tie a large knot at the end of the twine - this will act like a "stopper" for your flowers as you string them. Remember to leave extra string below the knot - you will use this to tie the lei together upon its completion.

In Hawaii, a steel lei needle, usually about 12 to 18 inches in length is used to string flowers, but any large needle will do. Go through the center of the face of the flower straight through to the back. Carefully guide the flowers to the base of the string near the knot - never force the flowers, you can always move them farther down later. You are finished when the lei is approximately 40" long. You may choose to dress your lei up with a ribbon, or just leave it au natural like the real live au natural Wahinni pictured here.